Usually people fight here to rid most poems of abstract nouns. I see it appearing all the time, almost to the point where I was considering swooping down into every poem topic and saying “hey don’t use abstract nouns” and seeing if it could always work. (Of course, that DOESN’T MEAN THAT saying that is ineffectual, or lazy, it works obviously, so don’t take this lampoon seriously.) However, it does have some use here, in the second stanza. It begins rather strongly (my policy for hands on throats is One Size Fits All), but then turns into something scattered. ‘Transgressions’ is not a word that I’d think you should use. What do they do that they break the law for? Any reason? If the crime is weird, or just concentrated (say like ‘shoplifting’), then it just be wonderful. But ‘transgressions’---so gross.
The same thing for the last line of the same stanza. ‘The sin of ignorance’. I just cannot understand what is trying to be said here, actually, I just don’t feel confident in trying to figure what is being said. I’m straying in too many directions and I feel like I’m ruining the message. I think that’s the problem of this piece. I like the last stanza, and the use of the hyphen to express the emotions/thoughts that are quick to the brain.
Points: 890
Reviews: 7
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